today

I thought I would start a thread devoted to what each of our days had in store for us. I hope this thread lives, no matter how it morphs as a place where we can just post as if we were having a conversation with each other, as if we were sitting around the fire, or giving each other a call... maybe it is a conference call... I dunno. I'm so very tired of the isolation and impersonal contact, of the over-busy frenetic-paced modern life. I miss dearly meaningul interpersonal contact, community... a sense of belonging, of connectedness to a higher purpose. I'm tired of being resigned to "the way things are". I have dreams and yearnings, disapointments and accomplishments that lack the greater meaning of being framed by community. Damn it, I have PASSION that screams in me to WAKE UP! I refuse to die with the music still in me! I want to live, and know it mattered. I want to know and be known, love and be loved... I want to BE, I have pain and I have mental issues -- they do NOT HAVE ME! I'm sick to death of mindless, colorless existence, of feeling alone with these thoughts.
As you can tell, I have had one of those days! I went to my 10:00 dr. apt. and was seen by the drug- natzi nurse and shuffled 'round uselessly for nearly two hours... paid $150 and my MD only shook my hand and asked causually if all was hunky-dory -- less than two minutes of his time. No BP taken, no nothing! He scribbled his laughably- forge-able sigggy (a simple circle!), I then went to wally's world with my COSTCO price comparison in hand... to be told of a "nation-wide shortage due to DEA quotas" and that they could NOT fill my RX. They called the next-town-over walmart and sent me there, as that one had just enough. After driving to the next town, we were told we would have to wait an HOUR while they checked out my price comp cuz they "could not lose money on me!" After the proscribed hour, they tried to tell me my insurance "would not fill" as it was too early. I don't have insurance -- I self-pay in CASH! Then they tried to give me a friggin' inhaler !! WRONG RX!!! Scary !!!!! Finally they get it right, and then they gotta give me a flippin' speach 'bout how I should just go to COSTCO to get their price since it is two blocks away from them. Yeah, I drove an hour to get abused cuz I ^%$%$(^%$@*&$^ LIKE IT????

Anyway, I'm so pissed at my government and I will be writing more about this in days to come. We have ALL been done a great injustice by this governmenmt of ours. And NOT just this "quota" imposed on schedule II drugs... NOPE, much more that really makes me dizzy with indignation.

take care, beautiful people... the world is gettin' ugly
jr

Boy..don't I agree with you about how messed up things are...it's so scary. I had to wait for over 3 weeks for a tier 2 heart med that only needed a prior auth, but the medicare contracted insurance company that I have kept denying it and sent it all the way to legal. In the meantime, I was without this med that controls my pulmonary hypertension, heart issues, and blood pressure. Unbelievable... My docs office was doing everything they could do, but finally I had to call medicare and let them know what was up..they had never heard of such a thing and launched an investigation. Thank God it finally got straightened out..but that's what put me into this seemingly never ending lupus flair.
I'm with you...I refuse to believe that God meant me to be 50 and have this state of being be how I'm going to be for the rest of my life. I refuse to give up...He's not finished with me yet. I am Always Hopeful. I have my moments when it gets me down, especially when I'm in a really "up" phase and my mind is busy, but my body is unable to get up and do anything about it. I miss doing yard work and gardening the most. I hate the fact that my house is a pig sty, but...I'm so thankful that I'm alive and that I have such awesome friends and family. I'm especially thankful for my salvation and that God's grace is fresh every morning. I've had such a boost of faith over the past couple of years. Even if I can't do anything else...I can pray. I can teach others what I've learned about faith and answered prayers. It's a calling and a ministry that doesn't require me to be physically active. I'm so thankful for that.
Today I plan on trying to stay warm. The wind is blowing like crazy here, taking with it all of the wonderful spring warmth we were having and I'm suffering from permafrost on my fingers....
I'm you have a better day today than you had yesterday. We should all be for our country and its leadership. It's so scary right now.

Today I'll be visiting Mrs. B, getting her paper and mail. Making tons of phone calls. Chey was supposed to see the eye specialist today, but the doc waited til late yesterday afternoon to tell me that her referral expired and she needed a new one before her 9am appointment...grrrr. So, had to reschedule the appointment so I can have time to get the referral.

Prior authorization for meds is getting rediculous. My ins. requires it for almost every med we get, including the girls inhalers. Makes me squirrely.

Off to get the chickies ready for school and start my day. Have a wonderful day!

not much going on, just gotta go get my shot in my back is all

I took 1/2 day today. It's supposed to be near 60 and my garden is calling me

Have a great day everyone. And John it's so good to see you here

mustang302 wrote:

not much going on, just gotta go get my shot in my back is all

How'd it go Ed. We went to Chucky Cheese after work, I know boring

pizza is always good!!!! and im really sore tonight, but the procedure went well, i like my doc and she likes to ask me bout my mustang, i think she knows how to keep my attention hehehhe

Today I will be taking Mrs. B out on our saturday date at dunkin donuts with my parents (they got in yesterday afternoon), then doing some packing at Mrs. B's apartment with Mom. The sun is out so I'm a bit on the manic side (okay, a lot on the manic side but trying to convince myself to slow it down because of the mega pain I'm in!!) and going to try to get some time in just sitting on the swing and enjoying the sunshine today. Have a great day!

wen i get manic i end up doing to much and forget myself, be carefuls!!!

I hope you're swinging away Jacki and things have slowed down for you

Finally got a hold of the pdoc, he said I could take some xanax to slow me down. I have slept for 2 nights now and am feeling better. Now I just hurt I hate being manic for that long. Jack and I survived it He isn't sure what to think; he had never seen anyone stay up that long or act that weird but, he's still here

I lovedays. I sit where it can come in my window. I hope everyone

Yeah, be careful to not over-do... just wish I could take that advice myself. Never fails,,, get to feeling semi-decent and try to make up for lost time... or get " lost in the flow" and forget to care for my fragile self... then wind up crashing like some crazy pheonix-bird to rise up outta the ashes of yesterday's misadventures. Dang, it is either that, or my "wax wings" melt, cuz I flew my foolish self too close to th' sun.
Gee, it is hard to sum up the last few days... I did as above and I've never been so violently sick with pain! Friday morning was nearly an ER trip for me. I've never had such an attack, and the only one that came anywhere near was my last trip there... so yeah, it was something. I'm doing boat loads better now. Perhaps i learned? ya, right. Just wait till summer and my tractor "Dragon" comes out from under the tarp. I'll glory in the power of Draggon's strong arms, and the satisfaction of working the land... and go down in a migraine of diesil smoke.
I hope and pray tomorrow finds us all resting, and with the ones we love!
PS, don't wake sleeping dragons -- they are tempermental after a winter's hibernation!
jr

By the time we got done just finding where Mrs. B had hidden all of her important papers and her bills and got all the food at her apartment dealt with the clouds had moved in and the temp. dropped. And, the thought of putting the swing on the frame then taking it off again (the strong winds will destroy it otherwise) was just too overwhelming. So I did spend about half an hour outdoors with the girls before dinner, they got nice and muddy and had a ball.

Today I'm just in too much pain to do anything. I told Mrs. B that I wouldn't be down today because I'm taking the day off to recover a bit and my parents will be going down instead. Going to have the chickies help me try to get caught up on some laundry and housework this afternoon then watch TinkerBell.

to everyone, hope you all get a day of rest, relaxation and less pain today.

How awesome to be out on a tractor and working the soil.... it sounds absolutely dreamy to me..the sweet smell of the earth freshly turned...mmmm..what a thought.
Right now I'm feeling very because of this unrelenting pain. I had to break down and take morphine which is a rarity for me. I've had the same prescription for nearly a year. The biggest problem with it is that it affects the bp and keeps me awake. So...here I sit..my mind is and there's nobody awake for me to talk to. I seriously considered going in and waking up Larry and making him come out here and visit with me but he's got a pinched nerve in his neck and hasn't slept well in a couple of weeks. So...woe is me...maybe I'll invest in a mini trampoline and figure out how to do some fat girl aerobics without hurting anything . Okay..I'm waay stoned here so I should end this before I get myself into trouble. Everybody take it easy this weekend.

Michelle, you really need to invest in some wacky weed not that you could possibly be any wackier but it my mellow you out some! I hope you are feeling better dear hope you get some sleep soon.

Oh no...Terry..when I used to smoke the wacky weed in my youth...it worked the opposite for me..just like everything else. Everyone else would be so mellow and I would be

what a long day, but my shot in my back seems to be helping some, so now its time to rest with the boomerang channel

Hmm, the lack of herbal remedy is a lot of what had me so sick on Thurs. I lose my appetite and can vomit for hours (like Thursday!) without it. I hate the fact that our own dear gov has studied this wonderful medicine and found it to be safe and effective -- even growing it on a "secret" farm in Mississippi and supplying a handful of paitients each month... while saying "no medical value whatsoever". It was once the MOST PRESCRIBED analgesic in the US with literally centuries of safe use by mankind recorded in both ancient and modern pharmacopeas.
anyway, had a great day... stayed home with my youngest (that little guy peekin outta my coat on my avitar!). We watched the great blue heron catch a frog, saw some bald eagles scare the ducks! The froggies are gettin' LOUD at night and we spotted at least a dozen big ol' masses of frog eggs and several bullfrog egg masses -- even salamanders. There are SO MANY BIRDS here that were not a few weeks ago. I heard a humming bird and my friends the barn swallows are back!! I love those guys and they seem to return that sentiment as each year as the colony grows we add more houses. I've been busy in the nursery, cloning plants. I have set out a dozen grapes, a bunch of kiwi, blueberries, gooseberries, currants -- all cloned from just a few store-bought plants. I'm so darned busy I cannot take time to hurt (yeah, im sure!)
be well friends... off to try to get more than four hours tonight (I hope so!!!!)

Inquiring minds want to know John, what is this "secret" herbal remedy?

All I've done today is get the girls off to school, go for groceries, visit Mrs. B. I still have to go do some packing at Mrs. B's apartment and work some more on the mountain of laundry. Not much exciting happening here. That may be a good thing! :)

gotta go to work laters is all for me

Doc Mike wrote:

Inquiring minds want to know John, what is this "secret" herbal remedy?

Hmm, the lack of herbal remedy is a lot of what had me so sick on Thurs. I lose my appetite and can vomit for hours (like Thursday!) without it. I hate the fact that our own dear gov has studied this wonderful medicine and found it to be safe and effective -- even growing it on a "secret" farm in Mississippi and supplying a handful of patients each month... while saying "no medical value whatsoever". It was once the MOST PRESCRIBED analgesic in the US with literally centuries of safe use by mankind recorded in both ancient and modern pharmacopeias. It was greed and ignorance with a stiff dose of racial prejudice that got it banned. The big paper giant (Hurst) with heavy timber holdings, felt threatened by hemp (which by the way, was grown by George Washington, Thomas Jefferson... and yes, they inhaled too). So, they renamed it -- from cannabis to the Hispanic "Marijuana". They tried to sneak it past, quiet like, but the American Medical Association figgered they wuz talkin' about cannabis, the medicine and they STRONGLY OBJECTED to the ban.
Then, in the 80's there was a challenge to its status, after it was "discovered" that it could relieve and reverse glaucoma (among other things) and it was proven "medically necessary" for several patients. It received "Investigational New Drug" status and about a dozen patients managed to be permitted to have it supplied by uncle sam. Course the powers that be freaked at the huge number of applicants and SHUT IT DOWN to any and all new applicants. The challenge to this status started a three-year inquiry and the DEA's own administrative law judge, Francis Young, studied everything he was allowed to see. His ruling? That in its natural state, cannabis is one of the "safest known therapeutically active substances known to man" and that it could help "untold numbers of critically ill citizens" and that further for the DEA to stand firm on the "no medical value" status would be "unreasonable, arbitrary and capricious"
In order for research to happen, scientists need the DEA's approval AND to be supplied with the garbage they grow on the Mississippi farm... they don't DENY... they just NEVER say "YES". Even when they do -- the junk the researchers get is totally laughable -- perhaps 5-7% active components (what we used to call "rag weed" or "ditch weed") whereas, in Denmark, they specify medical percentage must be at least 14%! Not only does it relieve pain, it is effective with MS, seizures, cancer (anti-emetic ~no pukin~ AND IT SHRINKS TUMORS!) restores appetite and eases bipolar symptoms and other forms of depression... even post traumatic stress disorder, migraines, pms... the list goes on and on. And it is not just anecdotal evidence, but scientifically proven (imagine if scientist could use the real stuff and NOT the government garbage?!). It could be regulated and the tax income would make the "war on drugs" budget seem like chump change. It could be standardized, like in the UK where they are marketing a sub-lingual spray. it could be encapsulated or even made into suppositories. Vaporization technology has all but made the "danger" of smoking it a moot point.
But if you are in one of the growing number of "green states” that have adopted compassionate medical use laws, you are still in for a hell of a fight. First find a doctor that is open-minded enough to see beyond the Gov’s lies (remember those “this is your brain” commercials? The one where they had a brain monitor that showed a “normal, active brain” and one on MJ? They had to pull that one ‘cuz it was a hoax – the monitor was hooked to nothing!). Then, if you DO find a doc with an open mind, try having it taken seriously, because we ALL KNOW WHY you want it, right? If you are taken seriously and get as far as a conversation… better hope th’ good doc has some “grande cahones” ‘cuz it takes some real guts to stand up to the witch hunt the DEA is waging against the easy mark of doctors and sick people. Hell, they do half of the work for the drug Nazis’ by documenting everything. How many street dealers have an office with a fixed advertized locale? Much less keep records of all their deals?
Then, if you manage to get a doc’s permission, the battle is only about half done. Now you gotta figger out HOW to get it! Buy it on the street? Illegal! Grow it? Risk federal persecution and prosecution. Find a cooperative? yeah, they are as easy to find as liquor stores, you bettcha! Then there is the cost… even at a cooperative you are gonna pay going rate. If you use medically, you will need a LOT, especially for constant, chronic pain. Then, if you don’t want to endanger your lungs, you will need truly HUGE amounts to process into foods, tinctures or capsules, as it takes three times as much ingested as compared to inhaled. So, if you think, well, gee it is just a plant – good Lord, that is where you can really get behind the disinformation truck! It takes seeds (illegal to obtain) or cuttings (again illegal and WHERE YOU GONNA FIND?). It is incredibly complicated to grow, as you cannot just plant it out in the open like a tomato plant -- either it will get stolen or you will get busted. So, you need thousands of dollars worth of specialized gear, a good-sized room and about six months seed to harvest! And guess what? If you use medically, with regular scheduled doses overseen by a MD, you do NOT get stoned and whacky. You may feel relaxed and aware of what is tense, or you may experience actual PLEASURE in physical activity!!! The somatic awareness (bodily awareness) alone makes this a phenomenally important medicine, but in the chronic pain patient, actual PLEASURE is an incredibly important function. Most pain meds work by suppressing ALL nerve signals, while cannabis actually enhances pleasure signals while deadening pain and increasing somatic awareness and somatic pleasure (can you say healthy for mind, body AND spirit?). opiod medication, taken long-term, can actually make it very hard to experience physical pleasure... and this is backed up by research.
The only argument that holds any credence is that it could harm kids. But, tell me, if kids get it (much easier for them, than those dying from AIDS wasting or cancer) they try it and say “what’s the big deal? It was kinda fun and relaxing… and I’m not a drooling whack-head rapist. Gee, wonder about meth – do they lie about that, too? It is just empty scare tactics?” That lie is more prone to be a “gateway” than “I tried pot, so now anything and everything goes! Let’s party!”
The real reason is big pharma and the VAST amounts of money that comes from developing the next wonder drug. Hell, the little plant that God instructed Moses and Aaron to use for anointing oil for the priests, and to be burned as an offering to Him, is like a money tree. Yup a farmacy with sooo many uses, so many routes of administration they ARE SCARED of it! There are more lobbyists for big pharma on the hill than there are reps! Follow the money further and see the DEA is scared too. That is the reason for the lies. Study the Bible and see that God gave us ALL the plants… He saw what He had created and it was all very good. A camera can capture the glory of creation and can uplift both man and God… or it can take disgusting photos of unthinkable smut. The camera is not evil – it is all in intent. cigarettes kill, alcohol kills… Tylenol kills… aspirin kills. Like the good doctor said “cannabis gives relief”. It restores a healthy outlook, and even if used recreationally, it can be useful for easing some of the anxiety and stress that kills. It fosters and engenders a hopeful outlook. It can be used as an entheogen – a thing that helps us to see God, how good He is, that He made our brains manufacture chemicals that are functionally similar to THC and also opiods. He is obviously a caring, compassionate God that gave us these things to USE… for OUR GOOD

All very interesting John. I just don't know how you can stand the taste of it. Back in the day when I was "partaking"..I had to down a 6 pack before I could stand it. I agree with everything you say, though. God told us to "partake of the herbs of the field". The more research that is done, the more the "experts" find out that the natural remedies are the best ones. My body reacts so badly to most meds, it's almost impossible for them to find anything to treat me, especially for pain. I get hives and get very manic. Morphine is the only thing I can take, but have to use benadryl to keep from itching and getting a rash, and I still get manic. I use it so sparingly because it causes a whole host of other things, even tho the doc wants me on it more often so that I can move around more. It's not worth the side effects.
I was supposed to go to the cardiologist's office for my heart download check, but was in too much pain to get ready and do the hour long ride in, sit there and wait to be seen, and then have another hour car ride home. I've missed 3 of these already, but I just can't seem to get up the go to do it. At least they're getting the readout from my heart every Sunday night, so they can see what's going on. I have an appointment with my Lupus doc next week, and am hoping he can figure out something else to help these constant flairs. I see my Pdoc on Friday, and am going to talk to him about an increase in my Topamax as I've been feeling more manic with the lupus flairs. It's almost like an agitated depression..cuz it's not a happy mania I feel. I can't seem to sleep..which is like a mania...but I'm really discouraged at the same time..mostly from the constant pain. So..we shall see. I slept really well last nite due to sheer exhaustion..but at least I slept.
Today..I'm just chillin...and that's it....

not doing much today, alergies slowing me down, so im gonna rest today