Number of posts : 1043 Age : 65 Location : Arizona Reputation : 12 Kudos : 538 Registration date : 2009-02-10
Subject: I have a Dilemma... 12th February 2009, 19:24
Oh my...not now in my life... My niece is getting married on March 8. I received the invite last night. My daughter did not receive one. Now, I think I've mentioned that John and I could not have our own kids, but helped to raise 19, mostly teenagers and 3 severely mentally and physically handicapped foster kids. My best friend and I got pregnant at the same time and she was going to have Naomi and I was going to have Ruth. I miscarried Ruth, so she said we would share Naomi, and that is what we did. When Naomi was a baby, she stayed with me while my friend worked over 40 hours per week. As a toddler, Nae would show up at my door (we lived in the same complex) with her hot wheels car filled with goodies she had just packed and announce, "I'n gonna live wis you, Auntie and go visit my Mom." She would stay a couple of weeks and then announce, "I'n gonna live wis my Mom and gonna cum visit you," and off she would go in her little hot wheels back home. We shared custody like this for the first 13 years of her life, until she and her mom's relationship fell apart. She moved in with us for the rest of her growing up days, and became our daughter and she and her mom were very happy about the relationship because mom knew that Nae and I had this special "thing" where we could talk about anything. They just never did click for some reason. Anyway...there are some in my family who just won't accept the fact that she's my daughter...like my niece...and now she's not invited to this wedding. Nae is asking about it...and I don't know what to say. I told John that I don't want to go if Nae's not invited. I'm so sick of this kind of stuff. She's the only daughter I'll ever have...her kids are the only grandkids I'll ever have. She missed out on seeing her Pops...my Dad...before he passed because of this same garbage, then cried her eyes out when he died. I won't have her hurt anymore. I know she won't want to go if I don't go...and I'd rather not go like this. My niece is rarely civil to me anyway because of the BP issues of the past and her mother's feelings about it. Soooo...any suggestions here? This is THE issue that is my biggest trigger...my family....
My Baby Girl
Lost One
Number of posts : 1835 Age : 48 Reputation : 14 Kudos : 253 Registration date : 2008-05-24
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 12th February 2009, 20:10
I'm not real good about this and I hope someone comes along to answer better. But I wouldn't go. If they want to be like that let them.
terry
Number of posts : 2498 Age : 69 Reputation : 1 Kudos : 263 Registration date : 2008-05-30
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 12th February 2009, 20:38
I would just send a moderate gift and stay away; don't set yourself and Nae up for more hurt. Families will hurt you more than anyone
Doc Mike
Number of posts : 2102 Age : 59 Location : Earth Reputation : 3 Kudos : 308 Registration date : 2008-05-24
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 12th February 2009, 20:48
Stay away, blow them off. They blew you off
Heather
Number of posts : 1975 Age : 48 Location : SE Minnesota Reputation : 0 Kudos : 5 Registration date : 2008-05-24
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 12th February 2009, 22:55
I'm sorry I don't really have any advice for you, but I did want to say that your 'Baby Girl' is beautiful!!
AlwaysHopeful
Number of posts : 1043 Age : 65 Location : Arizona Reputation : 12 Kudos : 538 Registration date : 2009-02-10
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 12th February 2009, 23:53
Heather wrote:
I'm sorry I don't really have any advice for you, but I did want to say that your 'Baby Girl' is beautiful!!
Thank you. She makes my heart sing. I sent a gift from their registry already. When I emailed her to let her know it was on its' way..I got a curt thank you back..no chit chat or anything, so...I don't think I'll waste the time, gas, or mental energy on them.
Doc Mike
Number of posts : 2102 Age : 59 Location : Earth Reputation : 3 Kudos : 308 Registration date : 2008-05-24
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 13th February 2009, 07:53
Wise decision friend. You've worked hard to have the relationship you have so don't let anyone step on those monkey toes
Synergy
Number of posts : 90 Age : 60 Location : Rainforest USA Reputation : 3 Kudos : 63 Registration date : 2008-10-09
Subject: BTDT 13th February 2009, 14:39
been there, done that! My family put the "dis" in disfunctional. years ago, when my daughters were just toddler/baby, my mother refused to accept my baby girl and my wife, saying that myself and DD #1 were welcome to visit, but wife and baby were NOT. That was it, after years of swallowing my pride and "being wrong" and saying sorry, I just plainly told her she was wrong and the cost would be that SHE was no longer a part of MY family. It has been fourteen years, and she has missed out on being grandma. Her loss, but she cannot manipulate me, or my family any longer. Any pain we feel is a sense of sorrow for her loss, and a vow to NEVER let it happen in OUR relationships. best you can do is hold your head high -- you have accomplished AMAZING things and my hat is off to you, my friend! Big Kudos for being Mom to so many who need you! john
Lost One
Number of posts : 1835 Age : 48 Reputation : 14 Kudos : 253 Registration date : 2008-05-24
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 13th February 2009, 16:02
That was a good post John
mustang302
Number of posts : 1806 Age : 58 Location : cibertron Reputation : 5 Kudos : 253 Registration date : 2008-05-23
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 13th February 2009, 16:20
im sending hugs!!!!
AlwaysHopeful
Number of posts : 1043 Age : 65 Location : Arizona Reputation : 12 Kudos : 538 Registration date : 2009-02-10
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 13th February 2009, 16:58
John....thank you so much for that...can't tell you how much it helped...and to everyone else for their encouraging words. My life has been run..or was run I should say..with the big G of guilt on my shoulders...doing everything and being everything for everybody without thinking about me. I decided years ago that would end..but it's harder for family. When my Dad died...I spent the last 2 months of his life with my Mom being the caregivers for him and had horrible things happen with my older sister against me. She was actually going around town saying I was only there staking the place out so I could rob them blind after Dad passed. Here I was doing 24/7 nursing duty on the man I adored..watching him die in his home which was his dying wish...she never lifted a finger to do any care. She would come over in the evening for an hour and play the guitar badly..the same inane songs over and over and then leave. Mom and I did all of his care while he was bedridden and dying..he was very heavy and we did all of the lifting, bathing, everything. I decided then that I would NEVER take her crap anymore, and I haven't. This is her daughter getting married. She hates her mother, but to try to please her and get in her good graces, she abuses me. So...I won't take it and I won't go. Thanks for letting me rant.
AlwaysHopeful
Number of posts : 1043 Age : 65 Location : Arizona Reputation : 12 Kudos : 538 Registration date : 2009-02-10
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 13th February 2009, 16:59
John....thank you so much for that...can't tell you how much it helped...and to everyone else for their encouraging words. My life has been run..or was run I should say..with the big G of guilt on my shoulders...doing everything and being everything for everybody without thinking about me. I decided years ago that would end..but it's harder for family. When my Dad died...I spent the last 2 months of his life with my Mom being the caregivers for him and had horrible things happen with my older sister against me. She was actually going around town saying I was only there staking the place out so I could rob them blind after Dad passed. Here I was doing 24/7 nursing duty on the man I adored..watching him die in his home which was his dying wish...she never lifted a finger to do any care. She would come over in the evening for an hour and play the guitar badly..the same inane songs over and over and then leave. Mom and I did all of his care while he was bedridden and dying..he was very heavy and we did all of the lifting, bathing, everything. I decided then that I would NEVER take her crap anymore, and I haven't. This is her daughter getting married. She hates her mother, but to try to please her and get in her good graces, she abuses me. So...I won't take it and I won't go. Thanks for letting me rant.
terry
Number of posts : 2498 Age : 69 Reputation : 1 Kudos : 263 Registration date : 2008-05-30
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 13th February 2009, 18:58
Well said John, good to see you again
AlwaysHopeful
Number of posts : 1043 Age : 65 Location : Arizona Reputation : 12 Kudos : 538 Registration date : 2009-02-10
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 14th February 2009, 13:02
You guys make me feel much stronger....
Brianna Admin
Number of posts : 2402 Age : 53 Location : Southeastern PA Reputation : 14 Kudos : 182 Registration date : 2008-05-23
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 14th February 2009, 18:39
I know a lot of people don't like Britney because of what her life has become. But I love her music, especially when she first started.
I hope this makes you stronger Michele.
AlwaysHopeful
Number of posts : 1043 Age : 65 Location : Arizona Reputation : 12 Kudos : 538 Registration date : 2009-02-10
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 14th February 2009, 20:15
When I click on it, it says, "Embedding disabled by request"....
Kylie
Number of posts : 512 Age : 53 Reputation : 0 Kudos : 58 Registration date : 2008-05-25
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 14th February 2009, 20:52
Me too Let me try this one
Kylie
Number of posts : 512 Age : 53 Reputation : 0 Kudos : 58 Registration date : 2008-05-25
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 14th February 2009, 20:52
It works My boys love her.
AlwaysHopeful
Number of posts : 1043 Age : 65 Location : Arizona Reputation : 12 Kudos : 538 Registration date : 2009-02-10
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 14th February 2009, 21:38
Oh...my goodness...I've just spent the past hour and 15 minutes uninstalling, reinstalling windows media player, then finally giving up and installing Real Player.. ! All this time it was the link???? I just switched today from Internet Explorer to Firefox, and thought it was a glitch in the settings. Oh...dear...I'm laughing so hard....well...this is what I have to say about that:
Brianna Admin
Number of posts : 2402 Age : 53 Location : Southeastern PA Reputation : 14 Kudos : 182 Registration date : 2008-05-23
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 15th February 2009, 10:59
Glad you figured it out. How do you like Firefox? I wouldn't use anything else
AlwaysHopeful
Number of posts : 1043 Age : 65 Location : Arizona Reputation : 12 Kudos : 538 Registration date : 2009-02-10
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 15th February 2009, 11:44
Oh, I love it! I wish I had switched earlier. No pop ups! Microsoft needs to learn from them how to make a product. So...join facebook and play already!
Brianna Admin
Number of posts : 2402 Age : 53 Location : Southeastern PA Reputation : 14 Kudos : 182 Registration date : 2008-05-23
Subject: Re: I have a Dilemma... 16th February 2009, 08:43