Hugz R Us
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Hugz R Us

Need a hug? No matter what you're dealing with, there's plenty of Hugz to go around.
 
HomePortalLatest imagesRegisterLog in

 

 Chili Cook-Off

Go down 
4 posters
AuthorMessage
Doc Mike

Doc Mike


Number of posts : 2102
Age : 59
Location : Earth
Reputation : 3
Kudos : 308
Registration date : 2008-05-24

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime7th January 2009, 09:05

You'd have to be a New Mexico native to truly appreciate this. And, I am. We also don't spell chile with an I. Regardless, it's funny!

THE NEW MEXICO CHILI COOK-OFF

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there’s
no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as
relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico.

For those of you who have lived in New Mexico, you know how
true this is. They actually have a chili cook-off about the time
Halloween comes around.

It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe
Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced chile taster named Frank, who was
visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank:

"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a
chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment
and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for
directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the
other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all
that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3."


Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff?
You could remove dried paint from your drive-way. Took me two beers to
put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are
crazy.

CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno
tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be
taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not
sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two
people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in
more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My
nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine
by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the
back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting
*****-faced from all of the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side
dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but
was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally,
the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb.
woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm
eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers
freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chile using shredded beef, could use
more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring
off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four
people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when
I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my
tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I
wonder if I AM burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other
judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.


CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good
balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions,
garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe
my butt with a snow cone.


CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a
can of chili peppers at the last moment. Take note that I am worried
about judge number 3 . . . He appears to be in a bit of distress as he
is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili,
which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match
my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through
the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not
too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili.
Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge
#3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top
of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how
he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Back to top Go down
terry

terry


Number of posts : 2498
Age : 69
Reputation : 1
Kudos : 263
Registration date : 2008-05-30

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime7th January 2009, 15:31

belly laugh Having spent most of my life in the southwest, I do like hot chilies! It does take some getting use to the stuff hysterical
Back to top Go down
Heather

Heather


Number of posts : 1975
Age : 48
Location : SE Minnesota
Reputation : 0
Kudos : 5
Registration date : 2008-05-24

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime7th January 2009, 18:14

hysterical
Back to top Go down
Lost One

Lost One


Number of posts : 1835
Age : 48
Reputation : 14
Kudos : 253
Registration date : 2008-05-24

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime8th January 2009, 07:31

When I went on a trip to CA with my mom and dad, we had some hot hot chili. My dad drank a pitcher of water big grin But he was sure tooting
Back to top Go down
Doc Mike

Doc Mike


Number of posts : 2102
Age : 59
Location : Earth
Reputation : 3
Kudos : 308
Registration date : 2008-05-24

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime8th January 2009, 08:51

I do some mean tooting too Lost One tongue
Back to top Go down
terry

terry


Number of posts : 2498
Age : 69
Reputation : 1
Kudos : 263
Registration date : 2008-05-30

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime8th January 2009, 15:55

Lost One there are chile's out there that would truly hurt you if you didn't work up to eating them big grin
Back to top Go down
Doc Mike

Doc Mike


Number of posts : 2102
Age : 59
Location : Earth
Reputation : 3
Kudos : 308
Registration date : 2008-05-24

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime10th January 2009, 22:14

What's your recipe for chili Terry?
Back to top Go down
terry

terry


Number of posts : 2498
Age : 69
Reputation : 1
Kudos : 263
Registration date : 2008-05-30

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime12th January 2009, 16:17

1-1/2 lbs. ground chuck, fresh tomato's, fresh green chile's fresh garlic, onion, salt, pepper, and Kidney beans or pinto beans or both.
You need about 6/8 fresh tomato's depending on size and kind
about 1 pound of chille's just the regular green chille's then you roast them, peel them under cold water and remove the seeds and then chop them and toss them in.
about a tablespoon of fine chopped garlic and 1 large chopped onion and salt and pepper to taste, cook for at least 6-8 hours.
ingredients depend upon the look and taste - I always buy more in case I need to even it out. I am also known to put one really hot chille in just for flavor, which ever I am in the mood for. but do not for get to roast your chille's and peel them and remove the seeds! The seeds are the hottest part!
And it is wonderful with tortilla's or believe it or not with spaghetti noodles and cheese! big grin

Note: Wash your hands after handling the chille's do not touch your eyes, mouth, nose or any other sensitive body part BEFORE WASHING YOUR HANDS hysterical TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!
Back to top Go down
Doc Mike

Doc Mike


Number of posts : 2102
Age : 59
Location : Earth
Reputation : 3
Kudos : 308
Registration date : 2008-05-24

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime13th January 2009, 08:51

Sounds like a winner for my Eagles Super Bowl party tongue
Back to top Go down
terry

terry


Number of posts : 2498
Age : 69
Reputation : 1
Kudos : 263
Registration date : 2008-05-30

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime13th January 2009, 15:20

Consider this a consolation prize for 2nd place hysterical
Back to top Go down
Heather

Heather


Number of posts : 1975
Age : 48
Location : SE Minnesota
Reputation : 0
Kudos : 5
Registration date : 2008-05-24

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime13th January 2009, 17:05

Sounds yummy thumbs up
Back to top Go down
Lost One

Lost One


Number of posts : 1835
Age : 48
Reputation : 14
Kudos : 253
Registration date : 2008-05-24

Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime13th January 2009, 20:12

You lost me on ths one dunno
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content





Chili Cook-Off Empty
PostSubject: Re: Chili Cook-Off   Chili Cook-Off Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Chili Cook-Off
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Hugz R Us :: The Romper Room :: Laughter is the Best Medicine-
Jump to: