Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot thechicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it wastime for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the roadbecause he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personallyhelped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes meuniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chickenin this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chickencrossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side ofthe road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. Thereis no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you canclearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross theroad, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I wasmisled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now andwill remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need someblack chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chickendoesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side ofthe road before it goes after the problem on the other side ofthe road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he'sacting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is havingproblems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is apart of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that hecan just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of thechickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is achicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other sideof the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road becausehe's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworkingAmerican.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which waythat chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer'sMarket to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross itwith a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossedI've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chickencrossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a fewmoments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, theheart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case ofmolting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossingthe road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the worldcrossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, whichwill not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your importantdocuments, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.


ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road,or did the road move beneath the chicken?


COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?