I Have Become Envious

....of the simplest of things and it seems so ridiculous to me. Every time I see someone chasing their little one around I envy their ability to run, seeing people sitting on a picnic blanket at the park, watching them play frisbee, run across the street, walk around in the mall, getting out of a chair without a groan or letting the body adjust, sitting on the floor.

These are the things that are taken for granted by these people, you know they take not a second thought. The simplest acts of movement. The natural ways our bodies were meant to move. Mine can no longer do these things or at least not without a huge amount of pain. Now I find myself watching and being overcome with envy almost a dislike, like I have turned my anger at my inabilities outward into something different. Is this normal? Is it a phase? Does it go away? Do I ever reach a point where I am happy for that person, grateful for them that they can do those things? After all isn't that the way it is supposed to be?

Brianna, this is the anger stage of the loss you have suffered. Might I be so bold as to suggest that instead of seeing your disabilities, see them as abilities. It isn't always easy most often very hard to do. For example, my best friend Donna, she has arthritis so bad that she can hardly walk so she seldom wants to go shopping because she feels she slows the show down. She still needs to get out, do things and feel part of life regardless of that, so, to get her out, I tell her that we both are going to ride the supped up shopping carts and go for points on how many of the displays we can knock over before leaving the store! She is the champ no one can knock over displays like she can! It is really funny, but, we make it an ability, we can't do it trying!! And you know yes, it is a shame that you can't sit on the ground with the kids; but, you can sit at the picnic table and color in the coloring books with them, no, you can't run with them, buy you can read to them, no you can't play rough sports with them, but you can teach them the cheers and dances, Everyone know something that can be shared, never forget each and everyone of us is special and have something to give others, maybe not so obvious, but we all have something to share and teachl

Let it out friend, I hear the frustration in your voice

I just get so discouraged at times because I can't do the things I used to without suffering for days afterwards. I want to ski so bad but I know I can't. I want to roller skate but I can't. I can't do much of anything

Hi Brianna, I think it is normal to feel like you do. However, what you do with those feelings makes a big difference. You can choose to let them fester til they become anger with the world, or you can grieve for the past, embrace the present and look forward to the future. Before your pain, did you take time to enjoy every moment? did you stop and smell the roses? Yes, you have pain and limits. But because it takes longer to do things, you also have time to revel in each accomplishment. You have time to enjoy what you can do. And you won't ever again take advantage of what you have, you will treasure all that you can do and make the most of every day. That's something people without chronic pain don't do.
I set a goal each day of accomplishing one task. Some days that task is as simple as making my bed. Others it may be vacuum or pull weeds for 10 minutes. After I accomplish that task, I tell someone. Whether it's my sister, or posting on a "Today I..." thread, I tell someone. It is a way to celebrate what you can do. After a few days of celebrating, you begin to see all the things you can do. For people with chronic pain small tasks are worth big celebrations. And we can do a lot of small tasks. On our good days we can do bigger tasks. That is a reason to celebrate, even if with nothing more than a high 5 with yourself for what you CAN do. Too often we focus on "can't". Envy those other people for a little while if you must, but then grieve for the past and start looking at what you can do.
BTW...I've been looking through some of the posts, a little at a time. You have a way of making people smile and cheering people on. That's one "I can...". So, what is another I can...???
Jacki

Wow Jacki I couldn't have said it better. I too like Brianna have back and neck problems from an auto accident. But like you I take it a day at a time. Yes she does bring a smile to our faces

Thanks Jacki, I really needed to hear that. I do treasure what I have now and I've worked hard to get what I have. But, in the back of my mind is always the old me, the one who could do anything and not even think about it. I guess because the weather's getting cold I'm thinking about skiing again. It always sends me down

I do understand how you feel Brianna. I think we all have that little spot in the back of our minds reminding us of what once was. And it is hard letting go of things we love to do. Believe me, I do understand..I had to give up work that I loved very much. So,Give yourself time to grieve, but don't give in to the grief. And keep talking about it. Don't let it stay inside and fester.

What are some other things you can do in the winter?

I don't go outside much in the winter because with the fibro cold is very painful. But, I have a neighbor who takes the girls out sledding and I watch out the window. And I have the hot cocoa waiting for them when they come in. Watching isn't near as much fun as sledding with them, but oh they have so much fun and keep me laughing.
With all the friends you have here who are ready, willing and able to help you any way they can you WILL make it through. Have Faith and keep your chin up!
I apologize if I'm not makin a lot of sense, fibro fog is making concentration difficult tonight.
Jacki

You made perfect sense Jacki and I really appreciate it. Other than ski there's not much else to do around here.

I used to ski out west in Colorado and Utah. My friends still go but it's a waste of money to go and not be able to ski.

I'm going to church and I'll say a prayer for us, for all of us

Jacki you have such a positive attitude and I admire you for that. Now if we could only get hard-headed Brianna to listen

She'll listen when she's ready Mike. She needs to grieve what was and find other things to look forward to. That takes time. I had the incentive of two granddaughters who depend on me each day to get up and moving. Don't get me wrong, I have my days where I am not such a positive person. But I don't want the girls to think that negativity all the time is a way of life. They have too much stress and bull to deal with because of their parents, and I try to teach them how to make positives out of the negatives so that they can live happy lives in spite of the crap. I can't do that if I let my own negatives take over. So, I do try to be positive as much as possible, and try to pass that on to others.
Still waiting for another "I can..." Brianna
Jacki

OMG Jacki you sound just like me. I'm so glad you're here, I can totally related. I have 2 boys, single parent just ending an nasty divorce and it continues today. But I have to be strong for them, I need them and they need me

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time with your divorce Kylie. My granddaughters live with me (I am their legal guardian) but have court ordered visits with their parents - not fun for pleasant for the kids, but something they have to do. I try hard to make the rest of their lives stress free and as positive and happy as I can. Some days it's very hard, but putting a smile on my face no matter what makes it easier for them. They have had a hard time adjusting to my life with fibro, but we have made the adjustments together. And we have found different ways to have fun, and different things to do together that aren't physically challenging for me. They are amazing girls, and I wouldn't give up one second of the time we have together.
Hope you situation eases up for you.
Jacki

Did I say how much I value your insite Jacki. You're a wonderful addition to Hugz

Yes Jacki Mike's right. And if you know of any others that need support, please ask them to join.

And I'll be working on the "I can" while I'm at work today

Thank you Mike and Brianna, everyone here has made me feel right at home.

Todays "I can".... I can do two loads of laundry and wash the dishes. Will try running the vacuum, but pain levels are up and energy levels are down, so will see how I'm doing when the dishes are done.

I'm glad you found a home here Jacki. You're such a big boost to the board

So Jacki, can you come over and do my laundry and dishes?

Kidding aside, I hope you are able to get your chores done today, with as little pain as possible.

How'd you do with the laundry and dishes Jacki? I came home and did something, watched Dancing with the Stars

I got the laundry washed, dryed and folded, but it's still sitting on the dryer waiting to be put away. The girls helped me with the dishes, so they got done too. And then I dozed on and off through Dancing with the Stars.
Today I won't get much done at home because this morning was so busy. But, the dust will still be there tomorrow.
Oh, Brianna? You worked yesterday, that is an I Can for you.

Jacki

Well If you are offering to do things for people.......

Sure Terry, I'll be more than happy to take a nap for you any time!

jsr4711 wrote:

Sure Terry, I'll be more than happy to take a nap for you any time!

I knew I could count on you!

Good another one watching Dancing with the Stars. It's one of my favorite shows this time of year

My I can for today is................I can drive 300 miles. But I don't want to

Wanting to and being able to are two different things Brianna. You are able to drive 300 miles, and that in my book is a major I can as I am only able to drive about 30 miles before my body starts giving me all kinds of grief. This past spring the girls and I went to upstate NY to visit friends, it's a 158 miles each way....took me 5 1/2 hours each way because I had to keep stopping so I could move around for a bit. So, big (gentle) pat on the back for you today.

Jacki