i too have PTSD

i spent a total of around 3 months in jail but it was several episodes of jail time collectively. the trauma of being arrested multiple times and going through all the process and being treated like literally a dog all those times and as well being in suicide rooms ( which consisted of being naked in a padded room with a hole in the floor to crap and pee in and no windows - the longest time for 4 days ) did alot to my mind. I guess more so it was the time spent in suicide rooms. The longest actually recently this last march- 4 days in the small 8 by 8 foot padded room with the hole in the floor and the slot in the door to get meals and being naked - felt as if i was treated as an animal. plus there of course was no sympathy nor kindness from the cops, they too treated me like a dog. no one to talk to, nothing to do for hours and hours excpet lay on the floor and freeze from the cold AC shooting into the room. Only 2 times was i let out to be taken to a shower and then they hosed down the room with a cleaner only to shove me back in. then again really freeze my ass off cause everything was wet and so was i until i air dried. The humiliation of it all the and lonliness and the isolation and too the treatment as if i was less than human and only like a POW prisoner. The handcuffs and leg chains and being transferred in a prison van from place to place. THe episodes of disgruntled women i had to face when i was in the main population and often they acted like animals when they fought over simple things like an empty peanut butter can they found so they could use it as a water cup. and to even fighting over left over bread and such which was often used as a form of currency to exchange for other things in trade. ANd just the massive amoutn of time alone with my thoughts staring at bars or a cold brick wall with no meds to help calm the insanity in me and no where to hide, no one to hug, just left with my own mind to either go insane or survive and in the end when one is in there no one cares in there. ANd if you go insane then they just throw you back int he suicide room or another type of isolation chamber to just go more insane. no rights, no hope, no humanity. ANd all cause i drank and donavon got pissed and put a restraining order on me to let me know he could do something bad to me if i relapsed which of course i did several times and that was why all the horror happened. Cause i am an alcoholic and i drank a few glasses of wine at home and literally did nothign truly that evil. did i deserve the cruelity? because i have a disease? did i deserve to be haunted by dreams and terrors for months on end afterwards even in sobriety becuase i am sick? i never killed anyone and never really did anything really bad. donavon was only trying to stop my drinking and i dont blame him anymore - i used to hate him but i am over that because he too regrets what he did and knows it was evil of him. bygones are bygones. yet still the memories and the horror haunt me and i cant erase those. its like my soul was burned and scarred and i dont think that can ever heal and often i feel that pain in the dark of the nights and too i cant be in any room with a closed door nor any small space.

That's just awful what they did to you Kat. I feel so bad. I'm sorry I can't think of anything to say. But I'm sending a hug your way this never happens again

You've been through so much hun. My heart aches for you but you've come out on the other side and you should be very proud of yourself for maintaining your sanity, your home, farm and your DH

I am horrified that ANY HOSPITAL WOULD TREAT A PERSON THIS WAY IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY!! EVEN A JAIL OR PRISON HOSPITAL!! I would personally be looking for a lawyer to sue the asses off of anyone who even thought of doing this to my cat! Let alone a person! OMG I am sitting here in tears for you my dear; I can't even imagine.....

Gosh Kat that's inhuman. I can't believe they get away with that. I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. I'm honored you shared with us so we can help you when it gets "dark" again

I cannot imagine the horror of this -- this is a complete denial of humanity! Did this happen in TX? You are a strong person, Kat... be proud of that -- you are an overcomer!
hugz
john

yes it happened in texas and arizona. well i dont think there is anything anyone can do about it. it seems to be a state wide thing.

it also has left me with paranoia about going into public and hearing any cars come past the house. i now have extreme paranoia someone is out to get me or someone is following me. I have to drive alot today to Fort worth for an appointment and also to decatur later today. I have to go to these things and usually i dont eat all day until i am home and feel as if i can hide and be safe. i am listening to my inspirational music this morn - its 6am now and i have been up yet again most of the night. dont ever sleep much anymore. sometimes when i close my eyes i feel as if my brain runs in circles and i have all these imagines of those place and the angry cops in my head. It was like they were angry with me for being sick. Like i was a pain in their ass for existing. A few times i was threatened that if i didnt shut up and stop asking for water to drink they would tazer me or pepper spray me. i mean water!! thats all i was asking for. and that too deeply disturbed me cause i felt that i had a right to water and yet i had no one on my side in there. i was at their power hungry mercy. so after the threats to tazer me over water all i could do was lay on the floor and lick my dry mouth and imagine i was somewhere else.

yet regardless it is in the past but yet still somedays it feels too present.

Good luck with the driving today Kat. I can't imagine they put you through all that and there should be laws, if there isn't already

Oh Kat, You are forever in my prayers to help you overcome these horrors I almost ended up in the AZ place, OMG, I had no idea.....no idea. You are on the right track, talking about it, I am just sick hearing about this, there has to be something that can be done to end this for everyone. Good luck today and let us know how it went.

well the AZ perhaps has the worst most difficult booking system. if you are in the general population you are kept in various overcrowed concrete rooms which are too very dirty for about a day before being tried and sent either on to jail or home. Its mainly due to that sheriff dude running AZ law system. he believes in making the jail system as worst as he possibly and get away with it cause i think he is the devil in human form.

the jail system in texas is only run by idiots and macho bigits who get a rise out of watching women be locked up and in their control.

Kat, I have voted against Sheriff Joe every time I voted while I lived in Maricopa County, but the guy is loved....him and his camera's and his tent city, he is an animal with no regard to human rights! Need I go on? He can't even walk across the street because of the threats against his life! He is now invading the honest business man and taking their computers, equipment, etc. to try to prove undocumented workers!!! All of this over a misdemeanor! And he is doing it with automatic weapons in an office! You are right, he is indeed a demon spawn from hell and crime isn't down any at all! He forces the men to either shave their heads or go to tent city, has the camera's on the folks in jail BEFORE THEY ARE EVEN ARRAIGNED, TRIED OR CONVICTED OF A CRIME! Even if they are convicted, they should not be subjected to the public seeing them in jail 24/7! It is an outrage! He feeds them green baloney sandwiches and what ever, it is worse than anyone can believe....