just me and my "junk"

The last few weeks have had SUCH a heavy load of dissapointment and discouragement for me. I won't go into all the details as that would be phone-book thick!

My wife has been hurting and she told me today she just wants to stay in bed when she is hurting and she "understands" what I go through. I have been in rough shape the last bit, as the weather is rotten right now, but in reality, I have been dealing with this since spring 1984 when I got crushed in a car accident. Just about anybody can "tough it out" for a bit... but I'm really getting weary of day after day... night after night. I pray for a miracle -- a release from this 20+ year headache -- but my whole face is twitching and the pain is eating me for breakfast lunch and dinner the holes in my leg are doing the barometer thang and every scar is telling me it's story (like I dint hear thatun before!). I'd check out of hotel misery except for my family. I'm NOT looking forward to my doc apt. this thurs. Prolly mean a anti-D. Maybe an increase in pain meds. Oh, joy.
I'm really getting resentful of my powerlessness as a man -- and there are so many things pushing my buttons right now! I'm gonna start selling off things because even though i have plans and the permit all drawn up, it appears I will NOT ever get to build the rest of my house. I'm tired of looking at all the things that are supposed to go there. MDW wants me to fix up the old swim spa I bought thinking it would have this dandy place there... she wants me to fix "out in the open" and to me it makes NO SENSE to do that!!! even with a decent cover it makes no sense and will not get the use it would if it had the most basic of shelters. I have even said I will build a "temporary" enclosure (that could last ten -- twenty years) and recycle it into a greenhouse later when we actually finish our house. Well, it is HER money I guess. What do I know?
as you can see -- I need a miracle!
sorry to be a drudge -- now you know why i been outta sorts lately!
take care
john

John I'm so sorry. I didn't see this until now. How's things going now, any changes? How's your pain levels, what happened at your doc appointment?

I didn't see it either John. Maybe this explains your "Is it Me" post? I'm sorry I didn't see it. Here's a brotherly hug for you

i to will send hugs your way!!!

I'm sorry too John, when you see your doc, ask about an occipital cranial base nerve block injection for the pain. Maybe that will help with the headache it takes mine away for months at a time. And in a marriage, the money is everyones, everyone works, just at different jobs! hang in there my friend, do your best, it is always more than enough.

Hey, thank you all for the nice words and friendship. I'm OK -- we did the county fair this last week, so I was busy and busy being tired.
ya the doc apt went alright -- no new pain meds and no increase... but I'm now on an anti-D. So we will see what happens. I'm not very awake and even this little bit has took a bit to write, so I'm gonna go sleep. I'll give ya all a better check in tomorra, K? Thank you all for the prayers!!!!!!!!
love ya all
john

good luck and feel good john!!!!

I hope the anti-d's help you John. Some they do, some they don't

Blessings to you my dear

Sorry I went MIA for a bit -- got busy and got over-extended/exhausted. I've just plain been running on too little and can't see clearly when I am like that. I think I gotter sorted out and am "back". Yeah, I'm a walkin' pharm ~we will see if I do any better with the "new and improved". School starts VERY soon so i will be too busy to be anything else... so that is good. I DO like to help my kiddoes learn each year and am just blown away when my wife tests them ~they are all doing phenominal. But silly me wastes time beating mysef up for what I "don't or can't" do! So, it is all good, and what isn't (pain, etc.) can be managed so that it really IS good. Sometimes we miss life cuz we are busy trying to do/be/have or whatever. The goodstuff is all mixed in with the rest there for the taking!
Well, I SHOULD be sleeping but right now I'm awake, so I'm gonna go stretch, then sleep
be well + hugz!!!
John

I'm glad things are starting to look up John. I forgot, you homeschool your kids right?

Keep up the good you do John

How's things going friend?

Hey, I'm doing a bit better after getting enough relief to focus on healing. Amazing what even a few hours of less pain can do for you -- refreshing hope and giving courage to face it... not to mention being ABLE to really narrow in on what is worst and DO something about it. I managed to get a handle on my face pain and that alone feels like a miralce that in turn has me doing my stretches and therapy. I've got to focus in on discipline, as I KNOW I could live better if I just got up each day early enough to care for myself before the day is in full swing. That is my great project and you all have my blessing in holding me accountable. And if I dissapear -- holler at me -- cuz I'm prolly tryin to come undone again! I will try to check in at least weekeends. Computer is busy for school until I can rig another DVD/headphone setup for my oldest homeschooler (I don't teach beyond elementary -- we do video curriculum!).
hugz!
john

Glad you're hanging in there John. No worries, I'll come get you if you disappear again

Blessings to you John

How are you doing John?

I'm hanging in there -- seems like I go MIA easy these days, but with school starting up I am real busy, so that is most of it. I don't know if the anti-d's are helping yet or not. Hard to say. I had a rough night and a rough morning, but the weather is really nice (after getting three times normal rain in Aug.). Anyway, I'm looking forward to just digging in to this school year with my kids. I'm hoping that the anti-d's will help keep me from the disabling funk that always seems to derail me!
talk to ya all soon!
hugz
john

Take it a day at a time John, sometimes that's all you can do

John, we are here for you, talk to us before it gets too bad

I'm officially older and hopefully wiser this day -- and I usually spend this day mourning my being (sick, eh?). Yeah, I try real hard to overcome all that life has dished... and if I am real honest -- life IS pretty amazingly good right now. I got way MORE to celebrate than to mourn. Now if I could just like myself... Oh well. I didn't even get dressed yesterday I hurt too much to pull on pants and shoes was just outta the question!! I homeschooled while laying on the floor. Thank goodness it does not take much to keep most of 'em going! I'm hoping that I can make up some medical cookies tonight so that I can get some relief tomorrow!! Maybe even take the afternoon off if we can get done with school early. I gotta get some relief -- today was nuts
be well and HUGZ!
john

No mourning for you today friend. Hang tight, see the good all around you, feel all the love we have for you at Hugz

John, truly tell us, what about you is not to like? I haven't seen anything I don't like and many traits I would like to imitate! Have a very happy birthday