Is My Doctor Supposed to Provide "Hope"?

This may sound like a strange comment, but I wondered if anyone else can chime in. I see my NS next week, so maybe I will have some new ideas by then.

I have been seeing this doc for 5 years. He is wonderful.

My only issue, though, is that I never feel like he really grasps how bad off I am. I am walking, not in a wheelchair, holding down a job, and enjoy working in my yard as much as possible.

The point is that unless I am crying in his office, there aren't a lot of indicators of how horribly disabled I feel.

If I cry and talk about how depressed I am, he suggests going to the psychiatrist for meds. the problem is when my pain levels and inflammation go down, I am not depressed at all. my negative mood and crying is totally linked to excruciating unrelenting pain.

It just occurred to me tonight that maybe he feels that part of his role is to maintain hope for me, and that if he were to really acknowledge how bad I am doing, how much worse my spine has become in the past 5 years, how few options (medication) are really left for me, other than major surger....he would not be giving me "hope."

The other idea I had is that he does realize that there is not much left he can do for me unless I have a fusion, and so, on some level, psychologically, he needs to "tune out" the suffering I present him with.

I am not sure if either of these could be an explanation - but they are the first things that have made sense to me - because he is very kind and caring.

Anyway- I am not sure if I should just accept this or if there is a way I could bring up my concern with him.

Any comments appreciated - just wondered if anyone else has dealt with this - it could be a problem just in my own mind (i.ee, I don't have realistic/appropriate expectations for what a NS should be saying to someone with my type of case), or it could be related to one of the things I mentioned above

Brianna you bring up an interesting question. I know my OSS will discuss my prospects but he won't speculate on how bad I could get. I have asked him and he says that first he can't speculate because each situation is different and with changing medical technology my future may change. For example, I asked him with the number of disk deteriorating if I could expect all of them to go bad. He wouldn't speculate on that but following my thoracic fusion he told me the next major problem I had would put me on total disability but thankfully that hasn't happened.

I don't know if it helps you out in your situation but I do understand what you are going through.

I don't think he's tuning you out Brianna. Maybe he just wants you to set the ball in motion, or scream and bit** until he gives you some direction. It's a sticky point with most doctors

Thanks, it sounds like you know exactly what I am feeling in this situation. That just makes me feel better to know I am not the ONLY person to struggle with something like this.

I am truly fortunate to have the NS I have - he is gifted in his diagnostic skills and has the nicest bedside manner. So, I know it could be much worse - I have been to 4 other NSs over the years and none are as good as this one. Some were flat out horrible.

Brianna, I once went to doctor and we discussed the possibility of me going on disability; he flat out told me that in almost al cases, if someone was declared disabled, they would die within 10 years. Now, whether or not that is true, I can't say, but if one doctor believes this, maybe, a lot of them do so they try to down play the seriousness of what is going on and build hope to keep one going forward. Hope and belief is so impornt, that is why you brought us together, so, lets us see what what is going to happen and hope and pray for the best. Doctors know how scared we are, you are lucky to have such a good doctor who feeds your hope.

and I'm glad we all came together

I don't want to go on disability. You're absolutely right Terry, if I did I wouldn't be able to cope. I need to feel important and useful. I just want him to understand, to let me know there is hope without major surgery

Brianna....your are IMPORTANT and USEFULL to us here at HUGZ

There is hope sweetie. Just lean on us

Brianna

Hang in there sweetie. We're here for you

You are important and useful; all of us are, and any surgery is scary, we are all here for you