I was killing myself and hurting those I love with my anger. I finally realized it was only hurting me and had zero effect on those who I was angry with. It has been a life-long problem for me -- y'know the comments teachers put on report cards? My kindergarten teach said "J is a VERY angry young man". Abuse will do that, as will injustice. BUT that is the reality of life here -- it ain't fair and there is NO true justice! Nothing can fix or cure what the past has dished us... but holding on to it only hurts us NOW. Kat, I KNOW how hard this is -- it is a DAILY even moment to moment decision to let it go. To forgive, does not mean that you roll over and take it, it means you recognize that it was wrong, but in order to heal, you choose to forgive. You have to make a decision and I know it feels "right" to hang onto anger -- it seems like the only thing you can do... but it really just rots you, and makes you less.
It is hard to live in the moment -- but it is the only moment we have to live. The past cannot be changed and it only counts as a mistake if we do not learn from it! Now is the intersection with eternity... it is the time we have to DO something, to leave our mark on other's lives. Joy and happiness are not as much emotions, as a choice.
and yeah, I hear ya... I truly do. It would be nice if we all could be honest and direct... but everyone has hurts and we all have our "defence mechanisms". This gal is prolly just being cautious out of her own fears of rejection.
take care, enjoy the present
in it w'ya